My First Love "Lesson"

*singing* He fills me up he gives me love more love then I have ever seen he's all I got he all i got in the world but he is all the man that I need. Whitney Houston "All The Man That I Need

I know that we all have that special someone who we can say was our fisrt love or at leaset what we knew at the time to be our first love. I was 20 years old and had gone on a trip to Los Angles. California with some friends for gay black pride during Fourth of July weekend. I was like a kid inside a candy store and all these fine ass black men in one place at one time and where I am from in Tx we hadn't seen this many black gay men at one time. As I am taken all this in I notice this dark choclate drop brother peeping at me over his shades and I say to one of my friends "Thats going to be my husband" and that was a saying that we used when we were planning on pursuing to get a "date".

As we hit it to the club that night once again in a place filled with so many black men that

I thought I was wake up and this would all be a dream of mine. It was real trust me as I am getting my life bopping through the club with my "girls" I see the dark chocolate drop again and as I lean over to tell my friend there goes the guy from the beach I feel someone grab my ass and say to me "What did you say" and I said " That you were going to be my husband" so from there we talked to each other for the rest of the night. He took me to breakfast the next morning and I felt like I was in some perfect romance movie that was never going to end. I left to go back to Texas and he and I exchanged numbers and promised that we would be in touch and he promised that I would see him again. Growing up as a kid being disappinted by promises I knew that those things where made to be broken at least that was what my daddy said when I would tell him but "you promised " he would tell me son sometimes promises are made to be broken so there you have it I left thinking just like that he never gonna call and it all seemed so picture perfect how things happened between us.

I get back to life as I knew it in Texas I had just took a semester off from college to deal with my brothers tragic death that I had totally blocked out at the time just becasue it was something I was ready to deal with. So here I am sitting in my room listening to Whitney Houston and just thinking about how this man has sweep me off my feet and I will never feel that feeling again or even feel his lips on mine ever again in life so I thought then it happened. It was 6pm my time and about 4p.m or what ever the time distance is between california minor detail and my phone ring and on the other end I heard this voice that I had heard in my head ever since I came from my adventure in Cali. It was him my " dark chocolate drop" he said to me how long would it take for you to pack your things and come to Los Angles to see me of course I felt like he was full of shit since it had taken him so long to call and he just wanted to see what I would see but he was serious and there was something in his voice that sounded for sure. So I told him when did I need to pack my bags and he told me right now and be on the last flight to L.A at 10p.m. My adrenalin rushed like never before and before I knew it I was sitting outside waiting on my cousin to pick me up and drop me off at the airport at 8p.m.........

I moved to L.A. with a man I had met one weekend in L.A and he moved me to his world and because I wanted to be loved so bad I took a chance and gave it a shot. He was the first man I ever gave my innocence to and for 2 years I stayed in a emotional and physical abusive relationship that taught to even love harder as I got older and went through other life's up and downs. I have truly learned that I am a very loving person who like any other human being only wants to be loved, and also that in order for me to be loved I must love myself and God. As we travel through life's everyday journey we will have go through some heart breaks and struggles with how we love other and who we allow to love us. We find love in certain things to make sure that we fill our love voids or lack there of. Although that situations has been over for years I still carry a piece of the idea that I will experience that love that I see on TV not because its not real but because I know that it can really happen and will one day.

This blog is for someone who knows me and love me for being who I am to them I Love you TY-KNOT